How to Fire Your Wife

I haven't been writing as much as I'd like to; but, inspiration struck me at about 2 in the morning the other day when I thought: "what if a man lights his wife on fire...but then it's ok that she's on fire?" so I stayed up until 3:30 in the morning, despite the fact that I had work at 7, and wrote that story:

So my wife Peggy and I were arguing one day. Now, we don't normally fight – we're actually pretty happily married – but apparently I had forgotten to take out the trash from the bathroom garbage can, even though it was half-full still, but she doesn't want her dirty used tampons to sit around in case we have guests – even though we never have guests.

So we were fighting about it and she was like, “Reginald, you worthless, good-for-nothing shit! You never do anything right, ever! Even when you think you've done something correctly, you actually haven't!”

“Well, I'm sorry, Peggy, that I'm not some perfect little model husband who went to husband school and graduated Magna Cum Laude. You should have checked my credentials before you took that ring from me.”

“If that's your idea of humor, Reginald, I think that, in retrospect, I most likely should have.”