Sure, she would cry at first, but she would smile and understand that he loved her enough to let her go. She'd laugh and brush a tear away from her eye, explaining how she wasn't upset, she was just surprised.
And they would part ways, separating their things that they accumulated. Throwing away what they both didn't want, or what they both did. Laughing at memories, awkwardly remembering the good ones, comparing details on the bad ones, finishing up unfinished arguments and reminiscing about the infrequent sex.
That was they day they got married. Ted got mixed up, stammered, stuttered and didn't know what to do. He said “Um, well, yeah...” and she said “YES!” and though there was no ring, no down-on-one-knee, and no actual proposal, they were married six weeks later by a justice of the peace in a courthouse in Brooklyn only a block down from their future apartment – a two-bedroom.
That milestone sparked the second time Ted would think about separation, but marriage complicated things. The bond made it more difficult to just walk out, or to just explain the distinction between “love” and “in love” that the simple syntactical different just don't pinpoint. He would explain to her that the marriage wasn't a sham; that it just wasn't working; that matrimony is more than sharing a bed and a life and that dedicating himself to an institution he didn't believe in took too much time away from the scientific institution that he did – his experiments were making progress and they were looking at spatial dynamics at a molecular level, and delving deeper into the bonds that form it. And how could he possibly ask her to not concentrate on her future because she's so devoted to her husband's?
This time they would fight. Breaking up isn't cute when you're married. Other than the hassle of paperwork, lawyers and red tape, divorce stamped them with a social stigma. They were the divorced couple. Ted, the dirtbag, and Jenny the divorcée practically left at the alter, stolen from her prime.
This time they would fight. Breaking up isn't cute when you're married. Other than the hassle of paperwork, lawyers and red tape, divorce stamped them with a social stigma. They were the divorced couple. Ted, the dirtbag, and Jenny the divorcée practically left at the alter, stolen from her prime.
They didn't just have to go through a box of their possessions and remember memories, there was furniture, there were finances, goldfish. They wouldn't throw away what they both didn't want, and what they both did; they would fight to have what they both wanted, and fight even harder to have what they didn't want – to spite the other, and fight the hardest over what they both didn't want,
They'd be bitter, angry at the whole process (her moreso, of course) and instead of leaving as friends they would just leave, and never speak again other than in the past tense. Maybe they'd call to see if the other had a DVD or a CD they were looking for, or a picture of the sunset they were going to frame, or what the password was to the ebay account. They'd see each other at a mutual friend's downtown who didn't pay too much attention when sending out invitations. It would be impossible to avoid each other in such a small apartment, and neither would dare leave first for fear the other would assume fault.
Even when they were both over it, and moved on, and thinking about other people it would be awkward. They'd smile weakly, carts bumping each other in the supermarket, and not know what to say, so they wouldn't but again, wouldn't just walk away. They lived together for two years, they were married for seven months...and those feelings still existed, they weren't current, just painful. So they would nod their heads politely, walk in opposite directions and all the what-ifs would run through her head, making her cry because she couldn't help it.
Divorce is never just breaking up.
When he planned out what he would say, and approached her in the living room he got mixed up and stuttered again, not as seriously, but these moments are never easy. He said “I, um...” and she interrupted smiling “I'm pregnant.” with a relaxed smile that didn't say 'excited' as much as it said 'unexpected' – hence the two-bedroom.
She had a daughter that they named Chelsea after her mother, and as far as Ted was concerned they were forever linked. That daughter was his wife personified and all the divorce in the world couldn't change that so he knew it was over. And it was, Ted raised that baby into a little girl and he was happy. She laughed and they laughed, she hugged and kissed and they hugged and kissed and they all did it together. For Four years. She learned to speak, albeit poorly. He taught her about particle fission and she didn't get it. Jenny quit her job and never once complained because she loved that little girl more than any words could elaborate upon. It wasn't love that bound Ted to them, it was happiness, and that was ok.
Without love, though, Ted soon retreated back to his old thoughts and by the end of Chelsea's fifth birthday party Ted knew what he had to do. He waited a week to mark the seven day anniversary of their daughter's fifth birthday party and put his plan into action.
This time he didn't get mixed up, or if he did it didn't affect a thing. There was no holding back, there was no stopping anything.
When he got home from work he kicked the door down. The large wooden rectangle detached from the hinges and slammed to the ground with an almost cartoonish cloud of dust puffing up in its wake. Without words he screamed “AHHHH” as loudly as possible while knocking over furniture that stood in his way on his path to his wife. A table went flying into the wall and broke to pieces. A lamp fell off a side table and shattered. The couch slid across the floor revealing tiny dust bunnies living underneath and he said
“Bitch! I mastered subatomic physical dissonance! The chemical and physical properties are within my full understanding as they have shown me the light!!”
She kept her fear to a minimum, hoping that Chelsea wouldn't awake from her nap to see her daddy screaming and carrying on.
Lazer beams screamed from his eyes and exploded the television. He set paintings on fire. A glow emanated from his brain and the computer turned on, it accessed wikipedia and he checked his email and facebook all while updating his science blog – because firefox supports tabbed browsing.
The whole room lit up and Jenny became afraid. Maybe if she had finished her degree in Matter Substantiation this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe if she took that job with the diametric transponder corporation she could discover a way to stop this. But she was helpless, and also, confused.
“What is this?!” She asked, but no sound came out. Ted was distorting sound waves.
“We are breaking up woman!” he responded with a booming echo. His eyes turned black and sparked with electricity. The lazers continued, splitting wallpaper down the middle. Teddy bears smoldered in the corner. All phone lines were disconnected to prevent police intrusion.
Car alarms blared in unison, providing a soundtrack for this emergency.
Pay phones dialed long-distance. Cell phone service was interrupted. Parking meters were paid for, even the expired ones.
Ted spoke in chinese, explaining the specifics of his scientific ventures in a way more romantic than the english language (and also, when published will produce a page count longer than simple english)
“Ted!” she yelled. “'Ching chang ching' means nothing to me! Tell me what's going on!!”
“This is the easiest way to tell you we are over! I've melted my wedding band into pure matter and it is now floating through the mattersphere! And as you can see, yours also no longer exists! I went back in time and murdered the small african child digging the diamond out of some small creek. The divorce papers have already been filed and destroyed. Your last name no longer exists.
Jenny cried a bit. Ted tried to focus his lazer eyes to dry her tears but burned her face. This marked the first time he had struck her, and he didn't like it.
“It is not within my propensity to do harm to you! Cease your crying!!!”
At this moment Chelsea ran down the stairs to see what all the commotion was about. “Daddy's a robot!! Yay robot Daddy!! Let's play Robots and Indians Daddy! 'Oh no, don't steal my land!!'”
“Chelsea, sweetie, stay from Daddy! He's not a Robot he's a super Meta-being and he's out of control!”
“No, wife. For the first time I am in control! I am not stammering and hesitating! I am for once of sound mind and body without the aid of energy drinks, hour-long chiropractic massages with chiropractic happy endings, and seven-plus hours of sleep including both REM and NREM cycles!”
“So what do you want from me?”
“I want nothing Jennifer. I want nothing. That is why I am leaving. I am going to live on the sun with all the sun-beings and those like myself as an immortal god-being forever after. I will not watch you from the sun.”
Ted's head turned towards the window and the lazers made it explode. The frame melted into nothing, the glass shattered into barely visible shards but made an unnatural cacophony of notes as each piece hit the hardwood floor. Ted strode to the window and rather than climb, floated out. He mounted a large elk with a massive rack atop its head, each branch more razor sharp than the last.
Ted rode bare back and looked like a natural perched upon the elk's back. Jenny almost smiling, recognizing the man she fell in love with behind the blank expression and rapidly fading personality.
“Come daughter. Ride to the sun with me!” He demanded without turning around. The laws of sound waves were broken and his voiced sounded as if it had come from within the room, facing both Jenny and Chelsea.
Jenny made a move towards her child but Ted was faster and the flaming lazers came so close to cutting her torso in half that she fell backwards onto the floor.
“Come daughter. To the sun.” To which she obeyed and climbed outside the opening. He did not help her onto the beast, but she somehow did not need it. Scaling it's back with ease.
Jenny dare not move, but she screamed for Chelsea to come back. The sound waves did not leave the room and Chelsea was unable to turn around and did not know her mother was yearning for her to return.
“Come Nuknuk. Take us to the sun! Yah!”
Jenny writhed on the floor watching the animal leap over the railing of the fire escape and glide into the sky, her love and her progeny riding stoically away from her for forever.
* * * * *
When the police arrived two days later to investigate a missing persons report filed by the Sciencotopic Fundamentalist Society when Ted failed to show up for work, she told them Ted came home in a crack-infused binge, broke their stuff, raised a commotion and stole their daughter from her bed. She claimed that he ranted and raved about drugs and prostitutes and threatened to murder Chelsea if she did anything, but proceeded to sling such a slew of slanderous insults that she writhed on the ground in such emotional pain that kept her their as he left, and until the police arrived.
They didn't for a second believe her story, and though the toxicology came up clean and a breathalyser read 0.0, and they had no bodies they tried her for double homicide. She was, of course, acquitted due to lack of evidence, but her small local fame kept her from holding down or even getting a job. She felt that where ever Ted was his ears burned because she spoke about him, and the guilt of her spreading these lies about him led her to eventual suicide.
On the day of her funeral that nobody attended, the sun burned no differently than usual.
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